On Marriage…

“No long-term marriage is made easily, and there have been times when I’ve been so angry or so hurt that I thought my love would never recover. And then, in the midst of near despair, something has happened beneath the surface. A bright little flashing fish of hope has flicked silver fins and the water is bright and suddenly I am returned to a state of love again — till next time. I’ve learned that there will always be a next time, and that I will submerge in darkness and misery, but that I won’t stay submerged. And each time something has been learned under the waters; something has been gained; and a new kind of love has grown. The best I can ask for is that this love, which has been built on countless failures, will continue to grow. I can say no more than that this is mystery, and gift, and that somehow or other, through grace, our failures can be redeemed and blessed.”

— Madeleine L’Engle

I like this quote.  I stole it from Miz Boo@Quiet Life.  It’s so honest.  And if you think that the author must have had a sad marriage, she did not!  She wrote a whole book about her marriage, which lasted 40 years and only stopped there because her husband passed away.

It seems like people don’t talk much about the reality of marriage.  We have the Hollywood version, where a couple’s days are spent doing grand, thoughtful, heart-warming gestures for one another.  They adore eachother’s quirks, and never find their partner annoying.  And they never, ever fart on one another.  But that’s a story for another time (or not)!  We see love commercialized – candy, cards, flowers, jewelry…it’s easy for a girl to think that if she’s not showered with these things all the time, she must not have a loving husband.  It’s easy for ME to get caught up in all the hype.

David and I are not perfect people.  So our marriage isn’t “perfect,” either.  But when we had our second wedding anniversary, I can tell you that we had plenty to celebrate!  (And we still do!)

This may sound cliche, but even with all the arguments, drama and misunderstandings that we’ve had along the way – I honestly can’t (and don’t want to!) picture my life without David.  The bible teaches that when a man and woman are married, they become one – and it’s not joking!  Everything becomes twined together, and it’s a beautiful, frustrating, miraculous, gradual process that I wouldn’t trade for anything.  The author in the quote above says that after each hard time, “a new love has grown.”  I think that is such a fitting description.  When we’re at a high, it feels like things couldn’t possibly get any better…I could never love David more or feel closer to him, or understand him any more.  But after each down-turn, it feels like something new has grown and we are that much closer to each other than we were before.  Like a tree growing new branches, or something.

OK, my brain hurts.  No more marital analysis for me.  Suffice it to say:  marriage can be hard, but I love my husband and I am so, so thankful for him.  Especially right now, while I’m hugely pregnant and uncomfortable and regularly mean as a bear.  Dave has his hands full, and he still manages to make me feel loved and appreciated while he handles me with steel reinforced armor kid gloves.

I hope we are given enough years to grow very, very old and crusty together!

Self Portrait of Two Nerds In Love

Cherish One Another,

Becki

Tagged as: hard times, hope, love, Marriage, relationships