On Mortality.

Mortality.  It sucks.  The end.

Just kidding.  I have way more to say about it than that!

My Mom is gravely ill, again.  She’s been on and off her death bed for the past – I don’t know – probably 5 years now.  The thing is, in all these years of medical emergencies and near death experiences, nobody has figured out what the underlying problem is.  She keeps getting pneumonia – usually about 6 times a year.  She did much better this year, but last year she was almost literally in the hospital every other month.  You can imagine the emotional havoc that wreaked upon everybody…not to mention Mom herself.  She’s been everywhere looking for answers – even as far as Colorado.  And still nobody is any more clear on what keeps bringing her down.  Her lungs are pretty damaged from everything, so she’s always on oxygen these days.  She can’t ride or even really visit her horse anymore.  It’s so hard to see my once vibrant Mother fading away, without even a reason why.

Sunday she was admitted into our local hospital, Monday she was moved to the ICU, and yesterday they flew her out to UAB to see if that team of doctors could come up with anything.

I’ll try not to get too long-winded about it all, but I do want to vent a bit.  It’s such a strange thing having my Mom be chronically ill.  On the one hand, I’m sick of talking about it.  This has been going on so long – when people ask about her I just summarize with “ok…basically the same…at least she’s at home right now.”  Because what else is there to say?  That she has at least one doctor’s appointment a week, that she goes for IVIG treatments once a month, that her medications are constantly being adjusted and tweaked, that she has good days and bad days but none of them are exceptionally healthy days any more?  I’m sick of talking about it.  The first question is usually how old is she?  Too young to be going downhill this way – early 60’s.  My Dad’s Mom is in her early 80’s and is still living on her own out in the country, healthy as an elderly ox!

So mostly I try not to think about it too much, and just enjoy the time that I have with Mom.  We spend quite a bit of time over at their house, and I try to get Mom to go out and do things as much as she is able.  I don’t talk about her health, I don’t really listen to the daily updates that are usually just a new version of “we don’t know any more than we did 5 years ago” and I try not to think about her mortality.

But now she’s back in the hospital – and she’s in Alabama so I can’t even go see her!  All of my repressed worries and sadness over the mortality of my Mom is coming  down on me at once.  I’ve been moping around the house all day today, except the quick trip I made to Sonic to drown my sorrows in fried foods.  Then I washed them down with some homemade baked fudge ala Pioneer Woman.  You guys must try this stuff – it’s the perfect “pity party” treat!  Click here and remember to thank me later 😉 ——->Baked Fudge.

So, keep my Mom and all of the rest of us in your prayers.

Brooding,

Becki